I just got off the phone after a 45-minute conversation with the mother of a student at my institution. Her daughter was raped by a "friend" when she was a first-year student, then later became the victim of a truly bizarre and intense-sounding series of stalking incidents. She (the Mom) called ostensibly to ask about what resources and advocacy we provided -- and we did talk about that...but mostly she just wanted to talk about and process the situation.
I will confess that over the years I have expressed some less-than-sympathetic sentiments about parental involvement in undergraduate students' lives. In fact, just yesterday I was decrying (again) the fact that we include parents in the orientation program for incoming first-year students. I have written elsewhere about my office's role in presenting information on sexual assault during the parent's orientation-- and how much I hate doing it. I am now prepared to soften my position on this. Yes, it's absolutely true that the "helicopter parent" phenomenon is out of control. As faculty I despised getting calls from parents (and actually developed an appreciation for FERPA as something more than just an anti-union tool for administrators bargaining with grad employees). I know my student affairs colleagues feel the same way; they tell me they deal with parents on an almost daily basis, which still floors me.
But I can see now that it is possible for a parent to be an effective and supportive advocate on their child's behalf -- and that this can happen in a way that is not controlling, disempowering, or infantilizing. This woman was amazing. Her daughter is lucky to have her. Whoa. Even though talks like this make it hard to focus, they certainly do provide motivation: time to get back to work so I don't have to hear stories like this about someone else's daughter...
2 comments:
horrifying. thank goodness you're there to talk to the mom, thank goodness the mom's got the wherewithal to be there in an effective way for the woman...but what the hell is going on with sexual violence on college campuses? again, it's horrifying.
yeah, the mom also raised your last point. she has four daughters, and she said "every time a visit one of their campuses and go into any bathroom, there's always information about what to do and where to go if you have been assaulted. and it's great that this information is so readily available, but what does this say about our campuses? any other phenomenon this widespread would be considered a national crisis!" and i'm just going, "wow, yeah. that's true." i'm so steeped in this stuff and focused on response/prevention that in my own way i supposed i am desensitized. not really, but i forget to be shocked, you know? it just seems like part of my reality...
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