My Fridays

Don Kahle* writes a Friday column for the Register Guard. It's on the political page and he writes about politics, but from one of those "everyman, if I've offended everybody, I must be doing something right" perspectives that is not quite liberal and not conservative, but rather unhinged from reality. Anyway, he says some crazy shit, which is fine, we all say crazy shit. Some people have said that the Stones are better than the Beatles. Generally, his craziness is just kind of random, WTF? kind of stuff. Let me give you an example:

Everyone would like a solution that celebrates our strengths and distributes our burden. The president of the United States can claim a decade, can announce a moon shot. But not if Americans think he’s “mailing it in.”

“Mailing it in” has stopped working, literally. Technology has replaced “snail mail,” and the United States Postal Service response has been slow. Without a bailout or significant structural changes, mail delivery could cease this winter.

Thanks to some questionable punctuation, that's six sentences that have little to nothing to do with each other. They had nothing to do with the rest of the column, either, sort of. Not sure any of them are accurate.

So, with Kahle, you sort of expect column inches of random statements that give your brain plenty of leeway to wonder how he got this column and you, too, could get a regular gig at the RG.

Yesterday, however, he wrote something crazy enough that it has stuck with me. His column was, ostensibly, about how Barry Hussien needs too be more of a leader, rather than a legislator, in order to fix the economy. (Kahle's suggestion? 32 hour work week. Boom, economy fixed. Also, BHO needs to go around the Republican leadership and get the support of the rank-and-file GOP Congressmen.)

Here's what he wrote that had me re-reading for signs of irony:

The cataclysms that collectively are known as the Great Recession have replaced our hierarchal systems of job security with a meritocracy. We reward those who get better, not those who stay longer.

Unemployment has risen, but American worker productivity has risen faster.

Welcome to the new America, it's a meritocracy. If you're unemployed, you kind of deserve to be. Slacker.

He continues:

While construction industries have declined precipitously, a few home builders in each market are busier than they’ve ever been. Office workers are being replaced with technology, except those who have mastered those technologies are getting raises and promotions. The University of Oregon and PeaceHealth each made headline [sic] recently by giving raises to their most prized employees.

If you're guessing that the raises at the UO and PeaceHealth went to the administrators, give yourself a raise, you meritorious son-of-a-bitch.

He finishes this line of thought with this mind bender:

In this “new economy,” those at the top — in skill as well as income — are rising faster. President Obama represents the pinnacle of that meritocracy.

There you have it, a very unique take on the modern world where America is now a meritocracy and those with the skills and income are (finally!) allowed to flourish, led by the fastest riser of them all, Barack Obama!

Again, how do I get a regular gig at the RG?

*Some of you may remember Kahle as the editor and publisher of the Comic News. It's the same sort of thing, you read it and say to yourself, "Wait, is this supposed to be funny?"