Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Didn't Even Mention Abortion

After having watched 1.1 GOP debates [just. couldn't. do. it.], I have come to the conclusion that there are some issues on which all the candidates [except Ron Paul, he doesn't count] can agree. Which ever candidate gets the GOP nomination, rest assured he or [extremely unlikely to happen] she will agree with these five things:

1. The poor need to pay more taxes.
Did you know that it is a literal fact that 50% of working Americans do not pay taxes? [Here "taxes" is defined as federal income taxes. Almost all working Americans pay payroll taxes, gas taxes, sales taxes, fees, etc. but let's not let facts get in the way of a perfectly reasonable justification for raising taxes on the poor. Of course, if the National Parks Service puts out so much as a donations box at a national monument, you'll never hear the end of "Another Obama tax hike!" from the GOP.]

Right now, the poor have no "skin in the game" [so far my favorite phrase of the debating season. Nothing like watching some old men talk about getting some skin in the game], so they love them some big government - everything from missile defense shields to subsidized school lunches. If we could skin the poor, they'd realize that those programs aren't free, but are paid for by taxes. Then the poor would love them some missile defense [take that Gorby!], but realize that subsidized school lunches are stealing.

2. The wealthy pay too much in taxes.
It is a simple fact that for every tax dollar the federal government collects, that is one more dollar a man with a dream cannot use to start a new business. Or an already wealthy person cannot use to give to a man with a dream to start a new business. You want to solve the unemployment problem? Cut taxes on men with dreams the wealthy.

It's worse than that, though. Why should a man with a dream [and isn't that what America is all about?] work hard to fulfill his dream if he knows that the government is going to come along and take all his dream money? He won't. He just won't. As Shakespeare said, 'tis better to be a poor man with an unfulfilled dream than a successful man who has to pay a slightly higher tax rate.

3. Corporations should pay no taxes at all.
The fact of the matter is that the US economy loses $1.2 trillion dollars a year because our corporate tax rate is too high. Corporations are forced to move their headquarters overseas, just to avoid paying the unconscionable tax rate. [Nothing is more patriotic than avoiding taxes]. If the US tax rate was 0%, then US corporations would bring their money home boosting the economy. As Americans, US corporations have a duty to strangle our economy until we let them pay zero taxes. The shareholders demand it.

4. We need to drill for oil, harvest the clean coal, frack the shale, pipe the line and achieve energy independence.
It is the stupidest thing in the world that the US is going through a recession while we sit on the universe's richest energy reserves outside of the sun. If we could just unlock this vast potential and get the US off of the world commodities market, this recession would be over [in 7 to 10 years] and we'd never have to look at an Arab without spitting on him again.

5. Ron Paul is an idiot.
Ron Paul takes conservative positions to their logical conclusions and says idiotic things. He's not a serious candidate and should not even be on the same stage as the likes of Jon Huntsman [he was the governor of Utah!], Rick Santorum [the poor's favorite Republican!] and Herman Cain [9-9-9!].

1 comment:

Stevie said...

Thanks to your wisdom, I don't even have to watch ONE debate (thank our gay-hating Lord!) If you could sum up the future presidential debates thusly, I'd be greatly appreciative.