Zing!

The Gods Must Have Moved to Australia

When I first saw this, I thought it was a joke. About halfway through I realized that it was a joke, but in a different sense than I originally meant.

In other election news

LOLGrads

I made this for CGE to celebrate them getting fair share. Thought I'd throw it up on the ol' blog.

BREAKING! Wobs to suspend blogging to address urgent beer crisis

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

My fellow OGians. Ours is a desperate time. It has come to my attention that there is a half-rack of Rogue Dead Guy Ale in my refrigerator that must be consumed. Should this consumption not occur, further half-racks of beer will not be able to fit inside the refrigerator, causing a cascade effect which may prevent countless hundreds of beers from residing on the shelf next to last night's leftovers.

The situation is grave.

In light of this crisis, I am hereby suspending my blogging to focus all of my attention on these pressing matters. As OGians, we can all agree that when there is an urgent need to drink beer, it is no time to blog. I further call upon my fellow bloggers to suspend their writing so that they may rush over to my house in order to help resolve this crisis. It is time to put the needs of my refrigerator above our need to pander to the feckless whims of our readership.

God bless you, and god bless the OG.

An Extraordinary Opportunity

h/t Christopher Hayes

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

Hilarious....

h/t Hoffmania via atrios

I actually was going to post a funny bit from political radar...I was perusing past posts (led there by atrios also) and came across this:

ABC News' Jennifer Duck reports: During the heated 2008 presidential race, President Bush has never attacked Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., by name, and on Friday, Press Secretary Dana Perino told reporters the president has no plans to attack the Democratic presidential nominee when he addresses the Republican National Convention on Monday.

“Do not expect the speech to define the president's legacy. This is not an opportunity to recap accomplishments of the past seven and a half years. It will not serve as a farewell to the American people, and it certainly will not attack Barack Obama," Perino said.

One reporter asked "why not" and Perino replied with a laugh, "Because he's got class.”

Yes the man won't mention his awesome legacy, the kick ass job he's done the past 7 and 1/2 years, and won't be his farewell...too bad, would have been a great speech. What is he going to talk about?
can't wait for the OG liveblog of the Convention...

Marathon Hijinks

Thought some of my friends might enjoy this from Wikipedia:

The marathon was the most bizarre event of the 1904 St. Louis Olympic Games. It was run in brutally hot weather, over dusty roads, with horses and automobiles clearing the way and creating dust clouds.

* The first to arrive was Frederick Lorz, who actually was just trotting back to the finish line to retrieve his clothes, after dropping out after nine miles. When the officials thought he had won the race, Lorz played along with his practical joke until he was found out shortly after the medal ceremony and was banned for a year by the AAU for this stunt, later winning the 1905 Boston Marathon.
* Thomas Hicks (a Briton running for the United States) was the first to cross the finish-line legally, after having received several doses of strychnine sulfate mixed with brandy from his trainers. He was supported by his trainers when he crossed the finish, but is still considered the winner. Hicks had to be carried off the track, and possibly would have died in the stadium, had he not been treated by several doctors.
* A Cuban postman named Felix Carbajal joined the marathon. He had to run in street clothes that he cut around the legs to make them look like shorts. He stopped off in an orchard en route to have a snack on some apples, which turned out to be rotten. The rotten apples caused him to have to lie down and take a nap. Despite falling ill to apples he finished in fourth place.
* The marathon included the first two black Africans to compete in the Olympics; two Tswana tribesmen named Len Tau (real name: Len Taunyane) and Yamasani (real name: Jan Mashiani). But they weren't there to compete in the Olympics, they were actually the sideshow. They had been brought over by the exposition as part of the Boer War exhibit (both were really students from Orange Free State in South Africa, but this fact was not made known to the public). Len Tau finished ninth and Yamasani came in twelfth. This was a disappointment, as many observers were sure Len Tau could have done better if he had not been chased nearly a mile off course by aggressive dogs.

Third Way Politics

Now this is some shit I can get behind!

mega-h/t: Larry Shae

See you at the debates, bitches

I am fairly certain that I have never given Paris Hilton more than a passing thought ever. But after seeing her video response to the "white-haired wrinkly dude's" ad that uses her likeness to insult Obama's presidential readiness, I have a new respect for the woman.

For another amusing take on John McCain's gender trouble, check out Women for John McCain. Here's a little gem for you, gleaned from that site:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

~ John McCain (Tucson Citizen, 10/27/86, link, PDF microfilm scan)

Hee-larious.

For the more straightforward critique, be sure to skim Kate Sheppard's article, "McSexist" in the latest In These Times.

Loves it.

Friday Cat Blogging

This has to be the most deliciously idiotic thing I have read quite some time. From what I can tell, Marie Jon' has the vaguest notion of what is happening in American politics and spares no wingnut cliche in discussing it. Highlights:

The American people must wake up to the the facts. The Democratic Party has moved well to the left of liberalism, and Barack Obama is — by his record — as far left as one can get in the party.

Once a liberal Supreme Court is installed, all traditional values will be null and void. Everything will change to satisfy the progressives' mind-set. Nothing would be sacrosanct, from the war against terror to the right to bear arms, late-term abortion and the varied definitions of marriage.

Senator John McCain is not trying to run as a Ronald Reagan conservative. He is a maverick. Yet, even his worst critics understand that our nation would be much better off in the hands of President John McCain than President Barack Obama.

Obama claims that he is for change. Indeed, he changes his own political stances with each passing day. Which Barack are Americans voting for? He is so com se comsa. With his gifted, articulate tongue, he speaks disingenuously to perfection.

Democrats are not grumbling about changes they've heard Barack make in his political positions. They understand the game of posturing and pandering to the general electorate. The Rev.Jeremiah Wright had twenty years to mold his protégé.

McCain will be a good steward of our recourses. Under his leadership, nuclear power and newly developed oil fields will become realities. There will be many different energy strategies employed to help our nation back on its feet.

Gas prices will begin to tumble to meet the needs of the consumers' pocketbooks as soon as the word is heard that we are taking care of business.

McCain is a man thinking about America's future. On all levels — whether environmental, social or political — he is able to weigh in. McCain has been blessed with the wisdom of that comes with age and experience.

Has half of America lost their minds? It begs an answer to address his obvious lack of experience and qualifications.

The sober, sound minds of our country will understand who is best qualified to lead the greatest nation in the world. Let's pray there are enough of them. Here, there is no doubt. John McCain is for me.

Friday Cat Blogging

It's Friday. I'm at work alone. I am going on vacation next week. I had two e-mails in my inbox this morning, both spam. I've got nothing to do but blog. First of many, I imagine.

The local weekly alterna paper runs a column by local funny woman Sally Sheklow called Living Out. The column chronicles Sally's travails living in as a lesbian in what has to be one of the most queer friendly cities on the planet. It's not easy. This week Sally discusses her menstrual habits with us. The pull quote from the column is:

During our moon time we shared our insights about how the patriarchal paradigm was designed to keep us powerless, ignorant and deodorized.

I thought that just about summed it up, too. But what I've come to love about Sally's writing is how often she will say something that confirms the worst stereotypes that conservatives have about the gays or just liberals in general. Let me quote:

Ten years after junior high I learned the truth [that she has hormones that regulate her menstrual moods]. Thanks to the kindly dyke who taught my college health class, I discovered certain aspects of the female anatomy that had been completely obfuscated by the common era’s boys-have-a-penis-and-girls-don’t type of sex ed. I learned lots of things about my body that those lipsticked babes in the hygiene film never mentioned. That led me quite naturally into the world of woman-loving-women. In no time I came out and was living with, working with and processing every aspect of life with lesbians. Needless to say, our cycles coincided.

That's right. College health class equals lesbianism. "Quite naturally." Oy.

Day Late, Dollar Short, Much Funnier

This is pretty much what I said. Only with writers. And video. And coherence.

Not as Gay as I Had Hoped

Have you all read about this?

An advertising campaign launched on the London Underground during gay pride week earlier this month has caused a political storm in South Carolina.

Posters, displayed at Leicester Square and Covent Garden tube stations in the two-week period surrounding the festival, were designed to promote a gay tour operator and to increase tourism to various US destinations noted for being gay-friendly.

News of the campaign and a poster with the tagline "South Carolina is so gay" reached the state late last week where it was condemned by Senator David Thomas. The state employee who approved the campaign has since resigned and Senator Thomas is calling for an audit of the tourism department's advertising budget, which this year runs in excess of $10m. The tourism department has also refused to pay the $5,000 fee for appearing in the campaign and has asked that the advertising be removed.

Big Jew

I know this is old and I am stealing from LGM and I am still sort of boycotting the Daily Show, but this was right on so many levels and it echoed issues already discussed here, that I had to post it.



My favorite is "Brought to you by MoveOn.org, ten years of making even people who agree with you cringe."