Showing posts with label through the looking glass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label through the looking glass. Show all posts

Monday, November 17, 2008

I really need to start paying closer attention

to the seemingly-endless stream of e-mails that flood my inbox from my "why interact with another human when you could send them 68 electronic messages" director. One of said communications, which I barely half-digested, landed me at the conference I am currently attending (or will be, as soon as I finish my latte) in Minnesota. This is the first time I have been to a conference in my "new life"--that is to say, the first time I have attended a conference that is not (a) in/related to my academic discipline or (b) pertaining to grad employee unions (insert long, mournful sigh here...). It probably speaks to my current mental state vis-a-vis my job that I really didn't even look that closely at the conference announcement. Me: "Wha? Go to conference? I'm on it, boss..." Logistics? Check. Family arrangements made? Check. Close examination of content? Uh-oh...

And so it happens that I am sitting in a coffee shop in Saint Paul, about to attend the U.S. Department of Education's 22nd Annual Meeting on Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse and Violence Prevention in Higher Education conference, "Ensuring the Safety and Well-Being of Our Students: Widening the Lens of Prevention." I am so checked out from this that until I arrived late last night I had not even processed that the DOE was the sponsor!

I am (obviously) here for the violence prevention part. The fact that alcohol and drug "abuse" are in the mix is a delicious personal irony. (But the fact that every day starts and ends with a twelve-step meeting--seriously, I kid you not--suggest that I am not the only one in the warning: hypocrisy alert boat.) As I always do at the beginning of a conference, I am poring over the program and marking the sessions I plan to attend. I am going to be a good girl and actually attend the sessions devoted to violence against women (a program on reporting options; a two-part case-study about a comprehensive violence-prevention framework; a session on program assessment; maybe something on social marketing).

But, oh! Look what I will have to miss in the process: There is a session on FERPA led by--guess who???--LeRoy Rooker! There's a name I remember fondly! And an intriguing-sounding session called "U.S. Dept. of Education-U.S. Secret Service Threat Assessment Training." That will, no doubt, be a blast. It's led--as it turns out, many workshops are--by the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools. 

Um, how did I get here again?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Is A

Our good friend Ayn Rand taught us that there are no contradictions in this world.* If we arrive at an apparent contradiction, then we must reexamine our premises to find our error. This bit o' thinking is serving our friends across the aisle well these days, as they are forced to reexamine their premises. Here's what they had pre-election:

1. America is a center-right country.
2. Obama is a socialist-Marxist-terrorist.
3. Therefore, America will not elect Obama president.

Obama's election is an apparent contradiction, premises must be reexamined.

Obviously, one course of action would to be to blame the media for convincing Americans that they are not, in fact, center-right. And, as we know, there has been much blaming of the media. Never before in the history of mankind has the media been so in the tank for one candidate. Just look a Jay Leno's monologues for Christ's sake. (Oh, God, please don't. You'll hurt yourself.)

The problem here is that A is A. To suppose that the media could convince Americans to temporarily forget that they are center-right would be to acknowledge that A is sometimes not A, which causes a rip in the fabric of space-time, which could be dangerous, given that, as of yet, we have no way of routing a tachyon beam through the deflector shield.

So we must go back to those original premises. Perhaps the easiest route would be to conclude that maybe there is a fundamental problem with the first premise. To do so would be treason.

So, we must look at the second premise, that Obama is a socialist-Marxist-terrorist. Thank God for Sherlock Holmes, am I right? He taught us that when one has eliminated all possible solutions, save one, that one answer has to be correct, no matter how illogical. Let's take another stab at our logic puzzle, shall we?

1. America is a center-right country.

We know this is correct, because to believe otherwise carries implications too frightening to contemplate. Plus, conservatives really, really want to trumpet exit polling showing that voters identify conservative.

2. ???

3. Therefore, Obama wins the presidency.

What could fill that spot? America is center-right and Obama won. Then, logically, Obama must be center-right? No? Yes!

No one has put this as explicitly as Brent Bozell, but it ungirds the whole "If Obama governs from the left, then he'll lose the American people" line of bullshit.

And this same line of thinking explains the "Bush as liberal" line that was being advanced and is now accepted dogma all over wingnutia. His failure can only be explained by his being a liberal.

Obama is a Reaganite, while Bush is a big-government liberal. Good to know that even after the election, for some people white is still black and black is still white.


*I am aware that is not original to Rand, but like all good Americans I believe in only two philosophizers, Jesus and Rand, in that order.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Jesus Muffins or, Soon We'll All Live in Wasilla

A friend remarked this week that it would suck to live in Wasilla -- and I responded that if the Democrats fuck this up, we'll all be living in Wasilla soon. What I want to write tonight isn't about Sarah Palin per se (although I need to get back to that soon); instead, I am trying to process something I experienced yesterday that gave me a little taste of what I think it will be like to live in Sarah Palin's America.

A colleague and I had a meeting yesterday with representatives from a local organization called Pregnancy Support Services and a campus group called Carolina HOPE (an acronym for "Helping Our Peers with Encouragement"). PSS is a "crisis pregnancy center." You probably already know what that coded language signifies, but I encourage you to check out their web site. At the very least, stay long enough to enjoy the over-produced flash video on their home page. Go ahead, I'll wait...

...Crazy, huh? This is precisely the kind of through-the-looking glass nonsense that will shape our reality with Sarah Palin in/near the White House. Somehow we are expected to swallow the notion that this "pro-woman" organization is all about "choice" and "empowerment." (Hell, given that, you might even go so far as to characterize it as a feminist organization! In exactly the same way that Palin is a feminist candidate!) As with McCain's running mate, a fundamental dishonesty permeates everything about this organization. And the woman they sent to talk to me and my colleague? Also fundamentally dishonest to her very core.

(Actually, just as an aside, the woman actually reminded me of Sarah Palin in many ways. Very put together, confident, aggressive, and never for a second deviating from a carefully-crafted set of talking points.)

Anyway, the PSS rep was the handler (and puppet master) for a sweet, painfully earnest staff person for Carolina HOPE, a "a student-led Christian organization dedicated to assisting individuals facing the challenges of unplanned pregnancy, encouraging sexual abstinence outside of marriage, and educating individuals regarding the consequences of sexually transmitted diseases and other health concerns." (We initially agreed to a meeting with the student group; the PSS rep showed up uninvited.)

Why were meeting with these people, you might ask? (And believe me, I asked that many times myself.) I was there representing the Women's Center mainly to do some proactive damage control. Those of you who remember the PopTart days may recall me writing about the Women's Center's past unpleasantness with anti-choice student groups. It's a long story (one that involves these fuckers, who essentially orchestrated the whole mess from behind the scenes), but it resulted in, among other things, a ruling from our University Counsel that, unless we agree to represent "both sides" of the issue equally (which we will not do), we can't advertise or promote any program related to reproductive rights. Un-fucking-believable, but true. That was three years ago, and my director and I, both of whom came to the University after that debacle, have been fighting to change this. But that means for now we need to stay off the radar screens of the anti-choice crowd and their backers. So when the "HOPE" woman asked me to meet with her, I agreed to go and politely hear what she had to say.

My colleague is a sexual health educator with our campus Wellness organization. Her boss sent her because, on paper, HOPE claims to do exactly what she does: counseling and programming around sexuality, healthy relationships, and STI awareness/prevention.

So we sat and listened to their pitches, then got to ask them some questions. I'm mostly going to leave the HOPE woman out of this, because, although her organization clearly has an agenda that I vehemently oppose, she (as an individual) was just one of those "blissed out on Jesus" types who could just as easily have been teaching Sunday school as working for this campus organization. In other words, I got the sense that she does what she does just because she loves Jesus. Whatever. Then again, it's hard to completely let her off the hook when I think about what disastrous consequences abstinence-only education has had on so many young people's lives. NC is (shock!) an abstinence-only state. Coming to the University is, for many students, the first opportunity they've had to get comprehensive information about sex. If this group had their way, even that would be off the table. That saddens me. And it pisses me off.

But far, far worse was the (personal and institutional) agenda of the PSS woman. Evil lying liar. She said with a straight face that one of the things she loved about her organization was that it was "not political" and "didn't advocate for one side or another of any issue." (They don't support abortion rights and won't give referrals to anyone who wants to terminate their "crisis pregnancy" and the information they provide about abortion procedures are misleading and inaccurate--again, check out their web site to see what I am talking about; you really have to see this to believe it...but this, apparently, is "not political.") Their "open, tolerant, non-judgmental" approach is a result of their "Christian philosophy."

But Christian love is not the only unexpected benefit you can get if you show up at their clinic for a pregnancy test or STI screening. If the test says preggers, you will be treated to a free ultrasound. Isn't that awesome?! Other physicians charge for this, but they give first-trimester ultrasounds away for free--whether you want it or not! Why? So you can find out how far along you are and if it is a viable pregnancy. Oh, and also so you can see God's beautiful creation that you might monstrously choose to destroy. But that's neither here not there, of course. If you remain unconvinced and are hellbent on murdering a baby, you get pre-abortion counseling. Here you will find out how brutal, painful, and permanently emotionally-damaging abortion is. Also, PSS woman told us, at this point many people find it comforting for their health care provider to pray with them. What if the patient is not Christian or religious, we asked? Well, you might be interested to know that at moments of crisis many people find that they develop a newfound faith. Really, it happens! Such is the nature of god's (completely apolitical and value-neutral) love! And she noted that she herself likes to take the time to ask her patients about how their crisis pregnancy fits into their "worldview" while she has them in the examining room. (Let me just interject a big WTF??? at this point. Can you imagine this? You're sitting there freaked out, having just gotten confirmation of something huge and life-altering--and probably not in a good way, or you would be at your OB-GYN's office, not a crisis pregnancy clinic. And at that moment of profound vulnerability, some jesus freak swoops in and starts probing you about your beliefs and trying to pray with you. So. Not. Cool.) This course of action is known as helping you "consider your choices." (By the same token, their 800 number is known as the "option line.") See, they're not anti-choice! That's just propaganda from the pro-abortion crowd!

Even before students get knocked up, they can visit the clinic for free STI screening or information about birth control. Now this is a little dicey, since the organization subscribes to an abstinence-only philosophy. But in addition to free (free!!!) services, they'll give you the straight dope: about how condoms almost always fail and the huge number of fornicators who get painful, incurable diseases, and the detrimental physical, emotional, and spiritual effects of sex outside of marriage. Will Planned Parenthood tell you all that? No sir! And Campus Health may give you medically accurate information, but without any information at all about how Jeebus wants you to save yourself for marriage (or how you're going to hell if you don't). That, my friend, is real choice.

It was really hard to sit and listen to this. My Southern politeness was definitely put to the test. But at the end of our conversation (wherein I accomplished my mission of assuring them that we at the Women's Center were not preforming abortions in our back room, deflecting their attention away from our organization, and not being incarcerated for homicide), the HOPE woman presented me and my colleague with tins of muffins (two kinds!) with a note that read "Thanks for taking the time to meet!"

Initially I planned to abstain, on principle, from the Jesus muffins. But they were sweet and tempting and I was hungry. So I ate two of them. And I don't feel guilty. Not. One. Bit.

Anyway, all this to say that we cannot lose this election. Seriously, we can't fuck this one up. The consequences are just too scary. And I doubt they'll come with muffins.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

LOLK-Lo

I'm continually stunned that K-Lo has the mental capacity to breath, much less draw a paycheck:
Not Bad to Have in the Background of a Reform Convention [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Jack Abramoff was just sentenced to four years in prison.

Friday, August 22, 2008

It's Like Milwaukee's Best

In that it makes my head hurt.

The Onion AV Club has an interview with the guy who created Stuff White People Like. The dude pretty much admits to being an over-privileged hipster who just got famous by accident for writing shit that made him giggle. The hipsters who read the AV Club, naturally, have to hate on this guy because this is something that they might actually like, but it has achieved some level of popularity, rendering it unacceptable to a hipster (see Chuck Klosterman, Judd Apatow, or Batman). Not that those that read the AV Club would admit to being hipsters, which is all part of tension, as to admit that you don't like something because it has achieved popularity is the height of hipsterdom, so part of the commentary is a struggle to come to grips with the fact that they, the AV Club readers, are the very people they hate most. Unless they are not.

Monday, August 4, 2008

But I Want to Save Money Ten Years from Now!

Got an e-mail from the McCain campaign mocking Obama's suggestion that one way Americans could save at the pump is by making sure that their tires are properly inflated. If I donate $25 to the McCain campaign, I can get a tire gauge stamped with "Obama's Energy Plan." Hilarious.

Just to be clear.

McCain's plan to increase off-shore drilling -- would take at least 10 years to see any results, all economists/experts say it wouldn't make any difference in gas prices, possibly worse for the environment. Great, serious idea.

Obama's suggest relating to tire pressure -- could save you up to 20% at the pump today, uses less gasoline, good for the environment. A freakin' joke by an unserious candidate. This light-weight celebrity politician is just not ready to lead us into the future of reliance on nineteenth-century technology.