Good News

I got an e-mail from Johnny Mac himself. I was surprised that he took the time out of his busy campaign to write me, so I opened the e-mail immediately. The first three paragraphs have enough grammatical curiosities to lead me to believe that he didn't take much time to write.

I am writing to you today because as one of our Party's closest supporters, we need your immediate help.

With less than three months before the 2008 elections, nothing is more important than for us to raise the funds we'll need to carry out our winning strategy in districts and states all across the country, David.

The RNC has set a goal of raising $25 million in the next 30 days. It is absolutely critical that we raise these funds to counter the huge money generating operation of Barack Obama and the Democrats' liberal special interest allies.

The good news is that I am one of the Republican party's "closest" supporters. I don't know what it means to be a "closest supporter." Is that a real phrase? If the GOP considers me a supporter at all, Barack could be sitting pretty.

Then there's the matter of the capital "p" in "Party." Those who have had to endure me for long, know that "random Capitalization" is one of my pet peeves. But then, so is the phrase "pet peeve."

That whole second sentence needs some serious help. From its run-on nature to "nothing is more important than for us to raise the funds we'll need" to awkwardly ending the sentence with my name. Does anyone talk or write like this?

Lastly, I would like to see a hyphen between money and generating in that third paragraph. "money-generating operation."

/pedantry

[And for Chrissake, of course I am aware of the "irony" of me, the guy who usually has at least eight spelling/grammar errors in each post, criticizing anyone else for sloppy writing. Also aware McCain didn't actually write the e-mail. You can stop e-mailing with these points.]

In case you were wondering...

Mom has yet to reply to the plaintive missive. She did send some cute birthday pictures of E. though, the very next evening.

Confidential E-mail: Please do not forward.

Dear Friend,

I normally wouldn't be writing to you, but I felt like I had to get some of these FACTS out there, since the right wing media won't tell you. I am writing to you to inform all patriotic Americans about presidential candidate John McCain's real past.

1. You probably know about McCain's time in a Vietnamese POW camp but what they won't tell you is while in Vietnam he was "once considered a model officer and future general, who allegedly went insane and commanded a legion of his own Montagnard troops deep inside the forest in neutral Cambodia. These claims are supported by very disturbing radio broadcasts and recordings made by..." McCain himself!!!! source

2. You may have heard about McCain's wife and her connection to Anheuser Busch and its recent takeover by a major Belgian concern, but what THEY won't tell you is McCain was actually adopted by Belgian parent's and was raised in an evil plot to go back to 1975 and bring back a Dutchman, Johan van der Smut, who had developed a cold fusion unit for a tractor beam. He intends to use the tractor beam to pull a golden meteor into the Earth to strike and melt the polar ice caps and cause global flooding. source

3 Finally, he claims that he is just running for president, but the reporters won't let you in on the secret: he has been quoted numerous times as saying that he plans to "do the same thing he does every day...try to take over the world." but you don't see that in the papers. source

I urge all patriotic Americans to really THINK about these UNDISPUTABLE facts before casting your vote this October. (I have meticuously sourced all claims, so don't let the RWM fool you.)

Sincerely,

EZ