I think you all would have been proud of me today.
I went into a ridiculous work situation armed with nothing more than a fake smile and "It's Just a Fucking Job" and, despite being repeatedly thrown under the bus and used as a pawn in game of petty political posturing, tumbled out the other side relatively unscathed. For the first time in a long time I was (mostly) able to sit back and observe the shit that the monkeys around the conference room table were flinging at each other in a (more or less) detached way and just laugh quietly to myself about how fucking pointless and stupid and not at all relevant to my life it all was.
And, when all was said and done and this same room full of assclowns pulled the dick move of giving me a fucking round of applause in recognition of my contributions, as if that somehow made up for them having spent the previous three hours selling my ass out for their own selfish ends, I managed to keep smiling and not tell even one of them to go fuck themselves with a dry erase marker.
A+ for taking one for the team. Give me a gold fucking star.
Well-played! It's been a long time since I was in a staff or faculty mtg but the resentful aftertaste has yet to dissipate.
ReplyDeleteAt least 99.9% of the time, "appreciative" moments like that round of applause you described make me wanna hack my arm off with a plastic fork and make everybody watch.
I have been in some awesome meetings lately, largely biting my tongue. I am the new guy and new guys should shut up for the most part, but I also am often at a loss as to why the people who are saying things are saying the things they are saying.
ReplyDeleteBut also, yeah, people saying the opposite of what was agreed to be said or suddenly undercutting me in front of others. I'm getting a lot of that. I just close my goddam mouth, bite that tongue, and let it go.