Monday Quickies

• You know how when you're sick for a couple of days and you wake up in the morning and you feel better than you did when you went to bed, but you don't know if you're really on the down slope of the cold? Usually my morning shower will either refresh me and confirm my uptick in health or let me know that I've a ways to go. Today's shower told me that I shouldn't go into work today. I'm here for reasons beyond my comprehension.
  

• As long as you're calling in on the deadline to submit your health care payment with some sob story about how you're on vacation (although you got your bill over a month ago) and you left your checkbook at home, you should try to be as big a raging dick as possible to the guy who answers the phone, that way you're sure to get another two weeks to pay your bill. It really helps if you're a fair share member.

• Traffic rules are designed to ensure the smooth flow of traffic, not to guarantee some level of fairness. If we all play by the rules, everything goes smoother. For instance, if I am at a stop sign and am attempting to execute a left-hand turn into traffic and you pull up at a stop sign directly across from me and you don't put on a turn signal, indicating that you're going straight, you have the right-of-way should there be a break in traffic. Your attempt to honor the fact that I got there first is noble, but will result in both of us missing that gap in traffic, because I am waiting for your ass to go.
  

• Anyone riding a bike down a sidewalk right next to perfectly clearly marked bike lane should be eligible for being pushed over by whatever noble citizen wants to carry out this deed. Better that than I hit you when turning right because I didn't think to check for you bombing down the sidewalk. While we're here, why is it people riding cruisers tend to be the ones riding on the sidewalk? Just because your bike doesn't go very fast doesn't mean you are actually walking.

• I am aware that very few people who read this blog pray on any regular basis, but I have some friends who have a very sick newborn on their hands, so any prayers/thoughts/harmony candles you have should be sent this way for Amelia.